Melissa Febos’s latest essay collection, Girlhood, arrives at a time when the #MeToo movement continues to prompt reflection. In the midst of the ongoing reevaluation of various aspects of women’s lives, Febos focuses on her own childhood, a period often overlooked in women’s narratives that is intricately connected to societal pressures around femininity. The recurring themes in Febos’s writing, explored in her previous works such as Abandon Me (2017) where she delves into her relationship with her father and Whipsmart (2010) which explores her experiences as a sex worker, are revisited in this collection with a newfound understanding of how her later life was shaped by the transitional phase of her youth.
The collection, which begins with an epigraph by Judith Baker stating “Destruction is thus always restoration,” consists of eight essays, each prefaced by an illustrated frontispiece. These illustrations evoke the simplicity and potency of tarot cards. The tarot has historically been associated with marginalized groups, particularly women, who have used it as a tool to reclaim agency over their lives. This tension is palpable as Febos delves into the inherent conflict between a young girl’s internal world and the external societal expectations imposed upon her. Febos underscores the lack of control young girls have over the challenging situations they face. From experiencing early puberty at age eleven to navigating the changes in her body and the ensuing different treatment from peers, both male and female, Febos recounts instances where she is objectified, ostracized, and harassed.
The essays in the collection cover a wide array of topics, ranging from invasive male presence in women’s lives in “Intrusions” to the enduring ramifications of coerced consent in “Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself.” Each essay examines a distinct gender expectation forced upon women and girls. Febos candidly shares her personal struggles, recounting instances of relentless verbal abuse and harassment that left her feeling isolated and invisible. The more she endures, the more she finds herself erasing her own identity. She reflects on this phenomenon, highlighting the pressure on women to constantly diminish themselves to fit societal ideals.
In addition to the diverse subject matter, the essays incorporate various astrological, mythological, and academic references. Febos skillfully weaves together disparate elements to craft a cohesive narrative, albeit with varying levels of success. For example, in the essay “Mirror Test,” which delves into the impact of others’ opinions on self-perception, Febos integrates obscure scientific and academic references that may initially appear out of place but gradually reveal their significance. Despite this, Febos’s poignant anecdotes effectively convey her points without relying heavily on additional academic references. The surveys conducted by Febos in “Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself” feel more naturally integrated into the narrative.
As Girlhood unfolds, Febos undergoes a transformation from a young girl seeking validation from external sources to a self-assured woman capable of reflecting on her past and its enduring influence on her present self. The collection is not merely a catalogue of traumatic encounters; it culminates in a sense of catharsis and self-empowerment. In the poignant final essay, “Les Calanques,” a retrospective piece on her time in France, Febos shares her journey towards self-assurance: “Now, I am so careful. The more I know my own worth, the less I have to fling myself against anything.”
Provocative and thought-provoking, Girlhood prompted me to revisit my own experiences of girlhood. It forced me to confront past instances of harassment, moments of feeling trapped, and instances of yielding to empty consent to avoid worse outcomes. Rather than being left traumatized by these reflections, I found solace in realizing that my experiences were not isolated. Recently, while walking, I became aware of a man trailing me, underscoring the pervasive nature of women’s vulnerability to scrutiny even in mundane situations. A compelling read, Girlhood delves into a pivotal period in women’s lives that warrants revisitation and reevaluation.
